People With Crazy Hair Styles or Colors

I’m riding the subway, and there’s a young guy sitting across from me with blue, red and yellow hair. I’m looking at him, and he says, “What? You’ve never done anything wild?” I tell him, “Twenty years ago, I had sex with a parrot. I thought you were my son.”

I am reminded of this joke everytime I see one of these imbeciles with crazy hair. Perhaps it is a matter of upbringing or the lack of a big, gaping hole in my self-esteem that can only be filled by having people stare at me, but I always wonder what people are thinking when they have Mohawks, tri-color hair or other such nonsense.

Usually you hear some tripe like they want to be individuals or that they don’t want to be caged by societal standards. This is code for “I have a sever case of narcissism and unless everyone notices me, I will kill myself.” So, do me a favor, a la Lisa Simpson and Paul Anka and “Just Don’t Look.”

Admittedly it is hard not too look, unless you are one of those serial texters discussed previously, whose heads were buried so far up their asses that they didn’t notice a clown riding a unicycle. But for normal people you simply cannot help it.

At its core, what is a crazy hair style? It is a distraction. What does it distract from? Some horrible inner ugliness that they don’t want you to see. Like many people, if we saw them for what they are we would be horrified. We don’t even see ourselves for what we truly are. But while most people hide their true selves with a mask, these people take a different tack.

For the Mohawk-wearing piece of human dross, the hair is not a mask but a ruse. They want you to notice their hair and not the repulsive inner person that they are.

And notice them we do.

“No!!!” they say; we are only “expressing ourselves.” What a load of bullshit this is. What sad, forlorn personality trait are you “expressing” by having this as your hair:

Much like the shrapnel that some people wear in their noses, they are only expressing the idea that they deserve pain, misery and looks of disgust. They may not see it that way, at least not in any way they would admit publicly, but deep down they know they are getting the disdain that they deserve.

What about the person that shaves their head? Well, if they are doing it because they are going bald, or just think they look better without hair then more power to them. This person is not who we are bashing here in this blog, and I have no beef with them. No, my derision is directed at the person who says “it is a statement.”

Instead of using a mask or distraction, they think that by cutting off their hair they are cutting off the inner rot of their soul. It is literal symbolism; that is the only statement they are making.

But I will admit a begrudging tinge of respect for them. At least they are going all the way with expressing themselves. That iota of respect goes away when dealing with the person who merely has inanely-colored hair without the style.

This person doesn’t even want to make a statement. They want to be noticed, but not because of their internal disgust at themselves, but purely for superficial reasons. They are simply egotists, and not very good ones. So, they think to themselves “maybe, just maybe someone will notice me if I have blue hair.” Apparently their mental illness can only be alleviated by the startled stares of gawking onlookers. The onlookers see only pity, but that is enough for them, at least they are noticed for being pitiable.

These people have no other desirable characteristics; no one would notice them for anything they do well, and they do not have the guts to actually reveal part of themselves to others, so they take the easy way out. For this, they deserve even more contempt than the people with truly puerile hair styles.

There is only one truly awesome hairstyle that I have seen, and there is no better way to end this blog than with it:

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