I Hate Commuters…

It is only 8:30 AM and already the day is a disaster. Why? Because when you live in a major metropolitan area you have to commute. And commuting is as close to being cattle as humans get.

Firstly, virtually everyone on the train is in a war of all against all. It is a fight for every seat. People cut you off, push pregnant ladies and essentially do whatever they need to gain an advantage in procuring a valuable seat.

It is almost as if it is a metaphor for what they are going to do in their job; lie, cheat, steal and do whatever is needed to make a buck.

When you think about it, for most people commuting is as dehumanizing as any activity we do on a regular basis. Sure there are plenty worse things that happen around the world. But sometimes a mountain gets blown up and sometimes it gets eroded away piece by piece. Either way it is gone.

And yet, it can always be worse. How?

The first way is when you get stuck behind a waddling behemoth of a person that is walking about one mile per hour in a crowded aisle. You just want to kick the person in the ass and get them moving, or at least out of your way. But doing so would be like kicking a brick wall, the only thing that would happen is that you will hurt your leg.

Naturally this person is completely oblivious to what is going on. And you can bet you will be stuck next to them in a two or three seat train car row. Or when you are in a rush their utter inability to walk in a straight line will keep them in your path no matter what you do, unless you are willing to run over those coming in the opposite direction, and many people do exactly that.

For me, what I hate even more is when you see someone you know and feel compelled to make small talk. Some people just won’t shut their mouths no matter how many signals you give them. You can have ear phones in. No matter. You can make a disgusted face when you have to remove your earphone to hear their prattle. Even that does not deter them.

Why do you feel compelled to talk to someone who is clearly occupied and uninterested in you and anything your feeble mind feels necessary to discuss? Think about it. Do you have such a gaping self-esteem problem that no matter where you go you need someone to validate you? Or perhaps you just are a dumbass who actually thinks I want to hear about your pathetic, boring job or what the weather will belike for the weekend.

Like the lady talking to Robert Hays on the plane in Airplane (a reference in honor of Leslie Nielsen), you just want to hang yourself.

Then some people act like you do not even exist. This morning I got stuck behind a waddler, was luckily able to pass and was standing in front of an elevator door next to another person. Naturally this mastodon of a human parked her ample frame right in front of us, and right in front of the doors. To her, we didn’t exist.

When the doors opened she moved out of the way, virtually toppling five people in the process. Like a horse with blinders, it didn’t matter in the least that there were other people around. And there is nothing quite as fun at 8 AM than getting pushed by a mammoth into a wall of people standing right behind you as you wait to get into an elevator that fits ten people if they are packed in like sardines.

Why do we do it? Because we have to? Yes, and that is a sad reason. Like oxen yoked to the plow we drudge on, trying to eke out a meager living in a world that cares not whether we live or die and will not be changed in the slightest should we cease to exist. Money, status, pride…these are why we do it and that is the most dehumanizing of it all. We become robots, devoid of creativity, stuck in routine and lacking any spark of life.

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